


(Not So) Dirty Dancing

by silver_drip



Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: 30 Day OTP Porn Challenge, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-05-01 15:00:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5210288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_drip/pseuds/silver_drip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>30 Day OTP Porn Challenge with plot twist! No porn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

 

“Perhaps if you didn’t insist on topping all the time this wouldn’t be an issue, Stark,” Loki said as Tony squirmed.

“Don’t blame me. You’re the one who refuses to let anyone touch me, even if it’s a doctor.” Tony glanced over his shoulder at Loki as he leaned on the table, bare from his waist down.

“Honestly, you humans are so fragile. I would think by now you’d all would have figured out how to cease the unwanted division of abnormal cells.”

“Yeah, cancer is one of the top three things the medical sector is trying to cure. Now can we get this over with?”

Loki made an annoyed little noise.

“No, I think we’ll do the PSA blood test first.” Loki grabbed a syringe.

“I’m bent over a table, on display and you want to stab me with a needle?”

“Yes, but the question is where?” Loki’s eyes lit up. “Your cock has plenty of blood vessels!”

“Hell-to-the-no!” Tony started pulling his pants up.

“I jest, Stark.” Loki was still wearing a devilish grin. “Why would I damage something I’m so fond of?” Tony eyed him suspiciously.

“Fine, but if we’re going to do this can you at least pretend to be professional?” Tony looked completely exasperated and it only made Loki’s grin widen.

“I have administered many-a-medical deeds. Worry not.” Loki moved a bit closer, syringe held up. He angled it perfectly so that Tony would be able to see the glint of the needle.

“When I said professional I mean Earth-doctor professional not Asgard-magic person professional,” Tony said while using an alcohol swab to clean his inner elbow. “You’re enjoying this way too much.”

“Yes, yes I am.” Loki tied the tourniquet before finding a suitable vein and drawing blood. “Was that so bad?” Loki asked condescendingly.

“You know that’s not the part I’m tense about,” Tony grumbled while hopping off the table and sliding his pants down. “You know I don’t like things in my butt.”

“Such a shame, considering you have a very fine rear.”

“Shut up and just give me my prostate exam.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm lazy so I just threw some of the prompts together: 1. Anal Sex 3. Body Fluid 18. Medical Play.


	2. Chapter 2

“Have you forgotten that I am a god? Do you truly think you can best me at this, Stark?” Loki asked as he swam on his back in the large pool.

“Assuming you don’t give yourself gills? Yes. I’m a champ at this.” Tony splashed him playfully.

“What will I get as a reward when I win?” Tony snorted at him.

“Other than my undying love and devotion?”

“I already own that.” Loki waved dismissively.

“If you win I’ll let you top for the night.” Loki froze before grinning.

“And, if by some miracle, you win?”

“You have to make dinner for the next month while only wearing an apron.”

“You answered suspiciously fast.” Loki narrowed his eyes. “It matters not, since I will win.”

“Sure you will.” Tony swam over to him and Loki let his lower half sink into the water so that they were facing each other. “Take a deep breath and prepare to lose.”

Loki scoffed then became serious as Tony started a countdown with his fingers.

They both plunged underwater simultaneously. Tony’s cheeks were puffed up with air while Loki didn’t look even slightly different.

The pair watched each other closely through the haze of the water as the seconds ticked by.

Bubbles escaped Tony’s mouth, but he didn’t go up for air, instead he swam closer to Loki.

Loki wanted to scoff when he saw the lecherous look in Tony’s eyes, as if a bit of heavy petting would make Loki lose this battle.

Tony kissed him on the cheek before his lips trailed down—

Then Loki was dying of laughter as Tony tickled him.

Water filled his lungs and instinctually Loki went up to breathe.

Tony joined him a moment later.

“I win!” Tony shouted.

“You smarmy bastard,” Loki said before dunking Tony.

“I love you too!” Tony’s words came out garbled from beneath the water. Loki was sorely tempted to keep him there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5\. Breath Play


	3. Chapter 3

“Single cell reproduction—”

“By the Norns, Stark, whatever you are going to say, keep it to yourself.” Loki gripped his book tighter. Tony had been going on all day about whatever flitted through his pretty mind, despite Loki’s many threats.

“This is super relevant. I swear.” Tony was pacing in front of him, a ball of energy just buzzing around and annoying Loki.

“I find that highly doubtful.”

“Anyway, when you made a double of yourself that was an exact replicate that was like single cell reproduction, but obviously not single celled. You pretty much had sex with yourself.”

Loki gave Tony a strange look.

“I would never have sex with myself. We would just argue back and forth on which one should top—though perhaps we would 69—”

“No, that’s not what I mean!” Tony was clearly in one of his sleep deprived states of mania. “You, like, divided!” Tony made strange hand motions, trying to make his point clear. “You created life! That’s reproduction! That’s sex!” He kept making the hand motions. “It was so weird.”

“It was not _weird_ ,” Loki said defensively. “You enjoyed yourself!”

“Yeah, but that didn’t make it not weird.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2\. Awkward Sex


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pff, I forgot I was writing this.

“For fuck’s sake, Loki! I’m a billionaire!”

“I honestly do not see your point,” Loki deadpanned despite his grin being a mile wide. Tony leaned back uncomfortably in the car, letting out an almost inhuman noise of frustration.

“I have money! _You_ have money! How can you not see my point?” Tony shifted in his seat, trying to get comfortable.

“It would not have been fun if I’d paid,” Loki stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Did you have to get me involved?” He was too old for this shit.

“Yes.”

“You’re such an asshole,” Tony said just as the police cruise pulled away with them in the backseat and in cuffs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bondage


End file.
